Tuesday, May 06, 2008 8:27 am | 3 comments | 406 views

Tagged with: General Conference, Armadillo

An Armadillo Among Us

by Mark Conard

One of the things that accompanied me to Fort Worth was a toy stuffed armadillo. According to Wikipedia, armadillos are "small placental mammals, known for having a bony armor shell." They are part of the same family as anteaters and sloths. The word armadillo is Spanish for "little armored one."

These definitions aside, I transported my toy stuffed armadillo with me to Fort Worth because I think he epitomizes what it means to be United Methodist. You spend a lot of time in the middle of the road, and you need to keep an eye out for oncoming traffic from either direction--and all four directions when you are at a crossroads! Thus, there was an armadillo among us at General Conference, albeit of the stuffed toy stuffed variety. Here are some of his adctivities and adventures in Fort Worth.

Each delegate at General Conference had an assigned seat. Members of the Kansas West delegation were on the third and fourth rows in Section A, which put us close to the presiding officer. My particular seat was Section A, Row, 3, Seat 17. Even though the tables were narrow, there was room for an armadillo!

Each delegate was provided with a handbook to guide his or her work. It included a variety of information, including more than thirty rules that guided (or sometimes blocked) our work together. My armadillo helped me with interpretation of the rules, which always seemed to be changinig and shifting.


The schedule was always before us. Each day usually had an "Order of the Day." It gave opportunity to celebrate historic anniversaries, such as the 100th anniversary of the Social Creed or the General Board of Pensions. There were "Celebration Moments" each afternoon during the second week. My armadillo was disappointed that there were no specific anniversaries or celebrations involving his species!

One of the things with which we became intimately familiar during General Conference was our key pad. It was used for most of our voting. Usually the only choice was to press "1" to vote "yes" or "2" to vote "no." If the key pads had not bee used for a while, we had to "wake them up" by pressing any of the keys. By the end of General Conference, the time for voting was down to fifteen seconds.

One of the features of General Conference was the pull behind cases that most delegates seemed to have. For the first few days, I just stuffed my armadillo inside the case and zipped it up. By the end of the first week, I decided that I trusted him enough for him to have a view of things as we went zipping around the Convention Center. He reported his appreciation for the opportunity of seeing (and being seen)!

The logo for General Conference was everywhere you cared to look. My armadillo and I decided that this was a truly inclusive logo, since every species--including armadillos--needs "a future with hope." For armadillos, that may just mean making it to the other side of the road, but we all need hope--no matter what our situation!


One of the realities of General Conference, at least for me, was the consumption of coffee. It was available for purchase (in the mornings) or for free at the mid-morning and mid-afternoon breaks. My armadillo and I decided that it would be helpful to have a "pick-us-up" cup of coffee in the morning to get us started. It was available at "only" $2.75 a cup!

There were a variety of celebrations and "celebration moments"  throughout General Conference. One of the highlights for us personally was the one for "town and country ministries." It was "town and country" churches like those at Sylvia, Coats, Arlington, and St. John that nurtured me. It was a joy to share in celebrating their ministry. And we even brought home "seeds  of hope" to plant!
The people of First United Methodist Church in Hutchinson, where I am currently appointed, sent me off with a wealth of snacks and also a number of cards to wish me well. I  kept these cards on display in my room throughout General Conference/ They were the first thing to see upon returning and the last thing to see upon departure each morning. It was a joy to share these greetings with my armadillo!

There were plenty of shopping opportunities during General Conference. Cokesbury had the largest display. There was also an "Advance" market place sponsored by the General Board of Global Ministries and a "Central Conference" market place. One of the things my armadillo learned is that, despite the advertising, one size doesn't always fit all!

There are times at General Conference when you are figuratively (if not literally) up a tree! This is roughly equivalent to being up a creek without a paddle. You aren't quite sure how you got there, and you aren't quite sure how you can get down. Eventually, however, you find a way down to resume what you were called to do. It's usually better to have someone help you down than to jump down on your own!

There were a wealth of tours available in Fort Worth to those who had the time for them. That never included the delegates (or their armadillos)! The one time I took my armadillo sight seeing was to the Fort Worth Water Gardens, just outside the convention center, and it nearly ended in disaster after he tumbled into the water! Fortunately he was rescued by some quick thinking and quick acting international delegates!

Things did not get neater at my place at the table during the ten days of General Conference! In fact, they were piled higher and deeper day by day. The only reason they weren't piled wider was because I had delegates on either side of me that wouldn't put up with such nonsense. My armadillo tried to keep things organized, but the best he could do was to stay on top of the mess!

General Conference finally came to an end shortly after 11:00 pm on Friday, May 2. We had voted on all petitions needing attention, and we concluded with worship. We were sent forth with this ringing affirmation--"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"(Romans 15:13). With that, we were ready to pack up and head home!